Nikolai Amosov’s 9 Health Commandments:Lessons from a Pioneering Surgeon & Fitness Advocate

“A person who does not exercise, eats poorly, and does not take care of their body is like a mechanic who does not take care of their tools.”

Nikolai Amosov

Before we dive into Amosov’s 9 major health principles, it is a must to introduce him briefly to you my dear reader. So who is Nikolai Mikhailovich Amosov? And why should you consider him a role model?

Nikolai Mikhailovich Amosov was a prominent doctor of science and professor. He was a Soviet and Ukrainian doctor of Russian origin. He was a cardiovascular surgeon, scientist, and inventor who lived from 1913 to 2002.

His contributions to the field of medicine were groundbreaking and continue to have a lasting impact on the healthcare industry. He was a pioneer in the development of heart and lung surgery, and he was among the first surgeons to perform open-heart surgery using a heart-lung machine. Amosov also invented numerous medical devices and instruments, including an artificial heart valve and an automated apparatus for extra corporeal circulation. 

Apart from his medical accomplishments, Amosov was also a prolific author, writing extensively on the topics of medicine, health and fitness. He believed strongly in the importance of physical exercise for maintaining good health, and his books on the subject continue to be widely read and respected.

Overall, Amosov’s contributions to the field of medicine have had a lasting impact on the lives of millions of people around the world, and his legacy continues to inspire new generations of medical professionals.

If you are willing to live a long healthy life, or you have poor health in general, or if you are responsible for someone else’s health, you definitely should know Amosov’s 9 health commandments and follow them.

The 9 Health Commandments

  1. The cause of most diseases cannot be attributed to either nature or society, but rather lies with the individual themselves. Laziness and greed are often the culprits behind illnesses, but there are instances where irrational behavior can also contribute to poor health.

Nikolai Amosov believed that the primary cause of most diseases could not be attributed solely to either nature or society. Rather, he believed that the responsibility for maintaining good health ultimately fell on the individuals themselves. He believed that laziness and greed were often the root causes of many illnesses, as people who fail to exercise or take care of their bodies put themselves at risk for a range of health problems. However, Amosov also acknowledged that irrational behavior could also contribute to poor health. For example, people who engage in risky behaviors such as smoking, drinking or substance abuse are more likely to develop chronic diseases like heart disease and cancer.

  1. Don’t rely entirely on medicine for good health. Medicine can treat illnesses, but it can’t make you healthy. Also, be careful of doctors who might overstate their ability to help you and suggest unnecessary treatments that can be expensive.

Nikolai Amosov believed that medicine plays an important role in treating illnesses and helping people recover from health problems. However, he cautioned that relying solely on medicine is not enough to achieve good health. According to Amosov, good health requires a holistic approach that takes into account all aspects of a person’s life, including their diet, exercise habits, and mental and emotional well-being.

Amosov also warned about the potential dangers of doctors who might overstate their ability to help people and suggest unnecessary treatments that can be expensive and potentially harmful. He believed that patients should be proactive in managing their own health and seek out information and resources to make informed decisions about their medical care.

  1. Becoming healthy requires consistent and significant effort on your part. No one can do it for you. Luckily, our bodies are amazing and can usually recover from illnesses. But as we get older or become sicker, it takes more effort to regain our health.

Nikolai Amosov emphasized the importance of personal effort in achieving and maintaining good health. According to him, good health requires consistent and significant effort on the part of the individual, and no one else can do it for them. He believed that our bodies are amazing and can usually recover from illnesses, but as we get older or become sicker, it takes more effort to regain our health. In his view, there is no substitute for personal effort when it comes to achieving good health.

  1. The size of your effort depends on how much you want to achieve your goal. Your motivation comes from how important the goal is to you, how long it will take, and how likely you are to succeed. Your personality also plays a role. It’s unfortunate that people often start prioritizing their health only when they’re faced with the possibility of death. 

Nikolai Amosov believed that the level of effort an individual puts into achieving good health is directly related to their motivation, which is determined by the significance of the goal, the time required to achieve it, and the probability of success. Additionally, an individual’s personality also plays a role in determining their level of effort. Amosov also lamented that people often only begin to prioritize their health when they are faced with the prospect of death, rather than proactively taking care of themselves throughout their lives.

  1. There are four things you need to do in order to be healthy; exercise, dietary restrictions, rest time, and the ability to rest. And the fifth point is to have a happy life, but that won’t make you healthy on its own. Without the first four things, you can’t have good health.

Amosov believed that good health is achieved by a combination of physical activity, healthy eating habits, restful sleep, and relaxation. He emphasized that the ability to rest and recover is just as important as engaging in physical activity, and that a person’s overall happiness and well-being is closely tied to their health. He believed that a healthy lifestyle requires discipline and self-control, but also brings great rewards in terms of physical and mental health.

  1. You don’t need to exercise for hours to stay healthy. Nature is kind, and just 20-30 minutes of exercise a day is enough. Your exercise routine should make you sweat, breathe hard, and your heart rate should double. If you can exercise for 40-60 minutes, even better!

Nikolai Amosov believed that a moderate amount of exercise is essential for good health. He said that nature is kind and just 20-30 minutes of exercise every day is sufficient. He believed that during exercise, a person should sweat, breathe hard, and their heart rate should double. He also recommended that if one can exercise for 40-60 minutes, it’s even better. However, he cautioned against excessive exercise, as it can lead to negative health effects such as injuries and burnout.

  1. To stay healthy, you should control how much you eat. Try to maintain a healthy weight by keeping your weight at least equal to your height in centimeters minus 100.

Nikolai Amosov emphasized the importance of maintaining a healthy weight in order to stay healthy. He suggested using a simple formula of keeping the weight at least equal to the height in centimeters minus 100. This formula can help people determine a healthy weight for their body type and ensure they are not overeating or consuming too many calories. Amosov believed that controlling the amount of food one eats is essential for maintaining good health, as overeating can lead to weight gain and other health problems.

  1. Knowing how to relax is important, but it also requires having the right personality. If only it was that simple!

Nikolai Amosov emphasized the importance of relaxation for maintaining good health. He believed that the ability to relax was not only a skill that needed to be learned but also a trait of one’s personality. In his view, not everyone has the right personality to be able to relax effectively. He acknowledged that it was not always easy to relax, and many factors, such as stress and anxiety, could make it more challenging. Amosov believed that people need to cultivate their ability to relax and find ways to overcome the obstacles that prevent them from doing so. He encouraged individuals to prioritize their health by making relaxation a part of their daily routine.

  1. Some people say that good health is happiness, but that’s not entirely true. It’s easy to take good health for granted and stop appreciating it. However, good health can help you find happiness in your family and work, but it’s not everything. Getting sick is certainly a misfortune.

Amosov believed that good health is an essential component of overall happiness and well-being, but it’s not the only factor that determines happiness. He argued that while good health can provide the foundation for a happy life, it’s not a guarantee, and other factors such as family relationships, meaningful work, and a sense of purpose are also important.

Amosov also emphasized the importance of not taking good health for granted, as it’s easy to become accustomed to feeling well and forget to appreciate it. He believed that becoming sick or experiencing health problems can be a significant setback and is something to be avoided if possible.

And because I would love for everyone to educate themselves and be aware of as many views on life as possible, here are some books suggestions that he wrote:

  1. “The Physiology of the Strength of the Heart and Blood Vessels” 

Written in (1963) – This book explains Amosov’s theories on the physiology of the heart and blood vessels, and provides practical advice on how to maintain cardiovascular health.

  1. “My Way of Life”

Written in (1979) – In this book, Amosov shares his personal philosophy on health and fitness, and provides tips on how to achieve and maintain good health.

  1. “The Laws of Life and Health”

Written in (1984) – This book explores the fundamental principles of human health and the importance of healthy lifestyle habits.

  1. “The Theory and Practice of Physical Education”

Written in (1986) – This book provides practical advice on how to design and implement effective exercise programs for people of all ages and fitness levels.

  1. “Amosov’s 1000”

Written in (1980) – This book is a collection of his personal recommendations for physical exercise and healthy living, based on his own experiences and medical expertise.The 9 health commandments are actually part of the book, which is a collection of his essays and lectures on health, fitness, and lifestyle.


كيف لك أن تمتلك مُدونة بلوجر و أن تخدمك

مُدونات البلوجر تُعد ذاتَ قيمةٍ كبيرةٍ لأشخاص مختلفين و لأسباب مختلفة. التدوين ليس فقط للأعمال! يمكن أن تُفيدك المدونات على المستوى الشخصي والمهني والمالي. يمكن أن تصبح الكتابة في الواقع إحدى هواياتك المفضلة

دعونا نرى التدوين من أكثر من ناحية

لنبدأ ببعض أهم الأسباب التي تجعلك تبدأ التدوين على الفور، خاصةً إذا كان لديك بعض مهارات الكتابة، أو ربما تفكر في تعيين شخصٍ ما للكتابة نيابة عنك

أهم الأسباب التي تجعلك تبدأ مُدونة بلوجر

جذب الجمهور

يمكّنك التدوين من الوصول إلى مليارات الأشخاص الذين يستخدمون الإنترنت. يُمكن للمدونة أن تساعدك في الترويج لنفسك أو لعملك. و تعمل المدونات كطريقةٍ لجذب الجمهور لأنها تقدم شيئًا ذا قيمة لهم قبل طلب أي شيء في المقابل

فالمدونة مليئةٌ بالمعلومات التي من شأنها أن تستهوي الناس وتجذبهم. و يمكّنك التدوين من التعرف على ما لديك من أفكارٍ و خدماتٍ يمكن لها أن تجذب الجمهور

إنشاءُ الهوية

يُمكنك أن تفكّر بالمدونة على أنها بطاقةُ العمل الخاصة بك. إن امتلاك مدونةٍ والكتابة حول مواضيع مهمة ذات صلةٍ بجمهورك يؤسس لك هوية، ويعزز صورتك المهنية. المدونات باختصار هي بطاقات العمل العصرية

ومن ناحيةٍ مهنيةٍ أُخرى، فقد تكون المدونات بمثابة سيرتك الذاتية المتجددة دائماً

ويمكنك أيضاً أن تستخدمها كهويةٍ شخصية، تشارك الناس من خلالها ما تجده مثيراً للاهتمام في أيٍ من مجالات الحياة المختلفة. أو مشاركتهم ببعضٍ من تجاربك الشخصية أياً كان نوعها

خلقُ الفرص

من الممكن أن يؤدي التدوين إلى خلق فرص عملٍ. على سبيل المثال، خُذ الخطابة العامة. يُمكِّن التدوين أي شخص لديه شيءٌ مثيرٌ للاهتمام أو ذو قيمةٍ ليقوله من أن يتم تعريفه كخبير. يُمكن لمدونات البلوجر إتاحة فرصٍ لنشر المقالات، أو الكتب، أو حتى الأبحاث مقابل المال

المجالات والأمثلة لا تنتهي هنا بالتأكيد. أعطِ نفسك بعضَ الوقت لتفكّر بمجالاتك المفضلة والتي تهدف إلى توظيفها لحسابك مستقبلاً

نظّم أفكارك وتعلم

يُجبرك التدوينُ على تعليم نفسك ما لا تعرفه والتعبير عمّا تعرفه. عندما تبدأ في كتابة منشور مدونة، فإنك مجبرٌ على تنظيم أفكارك. إذا كانت هناك فجواتٌ في الموضوع الذي تكتب عنه، فسيتعيّن عليك التعرّف عليه أكثر، و ذلك من شأنه أن يجعلك تستفسر و تبحث و تقرأ

تُعد كتابة أفكارك والتعبير عنها طريقةً رائعةً لتعزيز استيعاب شيءٍ تعلمته أو قمت بتجربته. تساعدك الكتابة على أن تصبح أكثر درايةً و تعمقاً بنفسك و بالموضوع الذي تكتب عنه

إروِ قصّتك

يتيح لك التدوين أن تكون أنت شركة الوسائط والإعلام الخاصة بك. يُمكنك سرد قصتك بالطريقة التي تريدها دون الاعتماد على الصحفيين. عندما تكتب عن موضوع يهُمك، يمكنك أن تقرر كيف ستصور قصةً ما، وما هي المعلومات التي يجب تضمينها، و ما المعلومات التي يجب استبعادها

لربما أنك خضت تجربةً شخصيةً غيّرت وبلورت من جديد مسار حياتك، وتود أن تشارك الأمل مع أقرانك من الناس الذين لم يجدوا مكاناً يلوذون إليه في وقت الحاجة، ولكنهم ما يزالون يبحثون عما يُمكن أن يُلهمهم في حياتهم. هنا، إنك تُلهم الكثير من الأشخاص، و تأثيرك هذا يمكنه أن يُساعد شخصاً ما بمجرد قراءة ما كتبته. ولا تنسى طبعاً أن قصتك كُتبت بيديك وحدك

التعرّف على أشخاص جدد

نعم، ربما يكون الجمهور الذي تجتذبه من خلال التدوين “جُمهورك عن بُعد” فقط، ولكنهم أيضاً لربما يصبحون أصدقاءك أو زملائك أو شركاءك. هذا الشيء يعتمد عليك كلياً

من المهّم القول أن مدونتك سوف تجذب أشخاصاً يشاركونك إهتماماتك و تطلعاتك، وهذا كفيلٌ بتسهيل الاستمتاع بحياةٍ اجتماعيةٍ شخصيةٍ أو مهنيةٍ أنت تستحقها

كسبُ المال

إذا كان لمدونتك الكثير من القرّاء، فقد تكون هناك فرصٌ لتحقيق الدخل. في اقتصاد اليوم، التنوع وامتلاك مصادر دخل إضافية قد يكون مفيدًا للغاية. إذا كنتَ تعمل في وظيفةٍ لا تدفع لك قدرما تريد، أو إذا كنتَ ترغب ببساطةٍ في كسب المزيد من المال (ومن لا يَوَدُ ذلك؟)، فإن التدوين يُمكن أن يُحقق لك دخلًا جانبيًا. يُمكن أيضًا أن يكون الدخل الناتج عن التدوين “سلبيًا”، مما يعني أنه قد يكون آليًا ولا يرتبط ارتباطًا مباشرًا بمقدار الوقت الذي تقضيه فيه

الحصول على المعلومات وحده لا يكفي، بل نحتاج لتطبيقها حتى نصل إلى مرادنا. لذلك سوف أُشاركك بعض الخطوات البسيطة للغاية لتبدأ مدونتك بسهولة

كيف تبدأ مدونة في 6 خطوات

اختر اسماً للمدونة، وليكن اسمًا وصفيًا لمدونتك. يُمكنك أيضاً التحقّق من تَوفُّر الاسم الذي ستقوم باختياره

خصص مدونتك. إختر قالب تصميم مدونةٍ مجانيّ، وقُم بتعديله. هناك الكثير من القوالبِ الجذّابة سهلة الاستخدام

إجعل مدونتك مُتاحةً على الإنترنت، لتكون متصلاً مع العالم

أُكتب وانشر منشورك الأول، و شارك أفكارك مع العالم

رَوّج لمدونتك. أُحصل على المزيد من الأشخاص لقراءة مدونتك من خلال وسائل التسويق المناسبة. هذه الخُطوة تحتاج إلى الاستمرارية و المواصلة

إكسب المال من المدونات. إختر من بين عدة خيارات لاستثمار مدونتك مثل بَيع مساحاتٍ إعلانيةٍ داخل المدونة، أو بَيع المنتجات والخدمات، أو بَيع العضويات لمدونتك، و غيرها من الخيارات التي تناسبك

ولكن كيف ستزيد من فرصة نجاح مدونتك؟

ما يجب أن تمتلكه كل مدونة بلوجر للنجاح

حَولَ وعنّ الصفحة

عرّفنا بنفسك! تعمل صفحة “حَول الموقع أو عن الموقع” كمساحةٍ للمدوّن لتقديم نفسه للجمهور. يجب أن تُناقش صفحة “حول الموقع” الخاصة بك ما يلي

من أنت

الموضوعات التي تكتب عنها وتهتم بها

حقائق عنك، وعن حياتك المهنية، وعن مدونتك


صفحة الاتصال

يجب أن يكون لدى القراء وجهات الاتصال الإعلامية المختارة، ليكونوا قادرين على الاتصال بك

صفحة الوسائط

إذا كنت مهتمًا بجني الأموال من مدونتك، فأنت بحاجةٍ إلى تضمين صفحة وسائط. تعمل صفحة الوسائط الخاصة بك على إعلام العلامات التجارية و الكيانات الأخرى المهتمة والمؤثرين المهتمين بسمعة مدونتك عبر الإنترنت وما يليها من فوائد لك

أزرار المشاركة الاجتماعية

تسمح أزرار المشاركة الاجتماعية للقرّاء بمشاركة محتوى مدونتك على العديد من منصات الوسائط الاجتماعية بما في ذلك تويتير، و ريديت، و فيسبوك و غيرها

نظام التعليقات على المدونة

يحتاج القرّاء إلى طريقةٍ للتفاعل مع محتوى مدونتك. تُؤدي إضافةُ نظام تعليقاتٍ على منشورات المدونة إلى إنشاء محادثاتٍ حول المحتوى الخاص بك

المنشورات ذات الصلة، وأحدث المنشورات

يستخدم المدونون هذا التكتيك لجذب حركة العبور على منشورات المدونة الأُخرى وإبقاء القارئ في الموقع.أصبح يمكنك الآن أن تُقررَ ما إذا كان بدءُ مدونةِ بلوجر شيئاً يُثير اهتمامكَ و يُحققُ  مساعيك

Let’s Talk About Depression, In a Non-Depressed Way!

I’m not talking about what people call depression when they are feeling down, sad & frustrated for a few days. That isn’t depression. Please do make sure to educate yourself about the most common & wide-spread mental illness called “Clinical Depression”. Because let’s save some time here instead of talking about the differences and the actuality of the illness.

I wanna talk about it because I’ve been battling with depression since late teenage, Of course not non-stop, but rather during different years and periods in my life. I’ve been medicated against depression multiple times. And the result? Relapsing over and over again. Sometimes depression came alone, & some other times it came hand in hand along with anxiety. And those two are seriously gruesome.

It’s seriously disturbing how mental health medicine & services related to mental health are super scarce in my country. But, recently things are beginning to change. In all my years with depression, no doctor suggested any type of therapy, other than pills. Seriously, why? Why mental health holds no value in this place whatsoever?

So, during the Covid-related lock-down, during the height of it, I was watching a Netflix series called “Sex Education”, it really did cheer me up during those days. But what inspired me is a main character who happens to be a sex therapist. This idea made me stop & pause & give myself a minute to wounder. The word “Therapist” or “Therapy” made me look online for any psychology & therapy courses. & I learned that “CBT” or ” Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” is wide-spread (around the world, not in my country), it’s also been used for decades now & it’s used for depression & anxiety.

So I enrolled in a “CBT” online course, & another & another, to understand the concept & learn how to use it. Yes, it isn’t easy to apply it, but it’s easier to apply it on people rather than applying it on yourself when you need it. Oh man, it’s so hard to be a therapist & a patient at the same time.

Another question that left real scars in my cognition was, why no one taught us basic simple principles of “CBT”? What are schools for? Why I never heard a single teacher emphasizing on the importance of mental health?

My studies continued, as I became very interested in the matter. I enrolled in a course that talks about Buddhism & mental health. One very popular concept is meditation & focusing on breathing when needed or just to reset the mind, & the wholesome benefits people get from that. & the importance of the concept of self awareness. Why no one ever emphasized on the importance of meditation? Why do we have to learn; 1st, the hard way, & 2nd, late in life, when changing your mindset or habits take serious time & efforts.

I’m sure it would have been worth it if such matters were addressed in schools, & taught & used to help children in need. You know, instead of telling us people who commit suicide go to hell, they should have been less judgmental & more proactive to know that some mental illnesses cause people to kill themselves with no remorse or second thoughts.

Instead of wasting our time learning stupid subjects, they could have taught us to be self-aware. But hey, who are we bullshitting? I don’t think any of my teachers back then knew anything about either subjects. It’s easier to be ignorant & judgmental.

I don’t want you to think that I’m blaming it all on school or some other party. I do understand now that it’s an individual responsibility to watch out for one’s well-being.

But it also bugs me when a doctor, or a bunch of them, tell depressed people things they believe are facts like “If someone relapses more than twice, they are doomed to deal with depression for the rest of their lives, & that this is now called a chronic depression.” WOW doc! Thank you for trying to depress me even more! But no, I’m not falling for that, because doctors are doctors, they know only enough, they don’t know everything. I’ve been told things by physicians that almost convinced me to go under the knife, to later discover that I’ve always dodged a bullet. MFs want money. (MF is an abbreviation for a bad word).

Depressed or not, anxious or not, a few care, many don’t. Which means, please, do try your best to live day by day, one step at a time. & if you need to talk about your mental health & well-being do make sure to reach out to me.

Katia 🙂

Translation: Can We Trust The Machine?

With the development of technology and the development in the field of Artificial Intelligence (AI), the development of machine translation (MT) cannot be ignored. User input and neural engines have improved machine translation, even if at a slow pace, it hasn’t yet reached the human language level. But with proper care and supervision, it may get there someday.

It’s interesting to hear in the translation industry that “machine translation will make your job old fashioned.” This may be true, but very far in the future. So far, the quality of machine translation cannot match the quality of a good human translator. In this article, we’ll look at some of the strengths and weaknesses of machine translation, as well as some of the possible alternatives that could be better options.

*Machine translation will be referred to as MT further on.


  • Gist

MT helps you understand the essence of a file and deepens your overall comprehension of the file. For native speakers, it will sound unnatural, but the meaning can be extracted. It may look old and disjointed, perhaps there is a term mismatch or a mistranslation of some terms in a particular context, but it will fairly be understandable.

  • The Application Of The Document

This is a good example of MT that is used often. A company might receive quite large documents in a language they do not understand. They don’t have the budget to translate it using a human translator and want to know if the document is applicable to the business. A good example is when an Arabic company receives a business proposal in Japanese. They have no idea what’s being said, but they need to know if they shall respond to the proposal. In this case, the MT card is a good starting point to test the commercial applicability of the proposal. If so, they can identify important sections and perform human translation of that content.

  • Price

MT is the most economical solution on the market. It can be very cheap or even free. Simply put, this is the cheapest option on the market so far.

  • Speed

MT can happen instantly. It can be recovered very quickly and requires little to no quality assurance. Of course, this process refers to pure MT without any editing permissions.


  • Price

As mentioned above, cost can be an advantage, but it can also be a negative factor. There should be reasonable expectations about the quality of free/cheap options. There are not many free and high-quality services. Let’s put it this way for simpler understanding; there are luxury cars (freelance translators and editors), small cars (translators only), and go-karts (MT). Every car is a wagon/engine, but not everyone gets the same car. In terms of the service level of a translation, there are reasons to believe that luxury cars are better than go-karts.

  • Speed

If something happens very quickly, there’s usually a reason to expect it to be of a poor quality. There are exceptions, of course, but it goes without saying that quality work requires more time, effort and attention.

  • Context
  • Client Content Results

It is recommended that you do not use MT for anything related to your customers.  Some business owners save some money by using MT early in their projects. They use MT to package products sold by major retailers. And negative feedback is often the case, because the quality of the translation is poor, and many clients complain. As a result, the business owner will have to recall thousands worth of merchandise to save the business. The product then has to be retranslated and repackaged by people. The cost of the correct preliminary translation of the content is insignificant compared to the price of the withdrawn products.

  • Language Subjectivity

Another area that MT struggles with is a subjective language. There are many things that are difficult to translate, such as idioms, puns and expressions that do not have a direct equivalent. Running this type of content on an MT engine gives ridiculous results.

What are your Alternatives?

  • Post-editing

Instead of pure MT, linguists & editors can also edit the translation results. However, there are some things to keep in mind. Some linguists and translators refuse to edit machine translations just because they are of poor quality. If they are editing machine translations, they can always get exhausted and the results are “good enough” rather than good. But it’s still a use-able option in case of short documents.

  • Translator Only

In the opinion of experts, this approach is the best option. It is offered at about the same price as post-editing MT, and the translators translate with freedom and as they please, and it’s of a higher quality than post-editing MT. This approach is based on professional translators and is the best alternative to MT.

MT might be a good option. However, be aware of the price you pay and have reasonable expectations of quality for the price. When you’re shopping, don’t forget to know what you’re paying for and what level of service you’re getting.

Am I Still Welcomed To Share My Thoughts?


this will be a very short message to all of you, and especially to those of you who have been following me for years.

I will be writing again soon, and I really would appreciate your support and encouragement, because being inspired alone is not going to last forever, as I have been uninspired to write for a few years now.

You have been always there for me by visiting my blog and reading my posts. Some of you were generous enough to share my posts with others.

Can’t wait to connect with you again.

Nothing But Silence.

Or maybe that’s just a phase that will pass. And maybe all the thoughts and feelings are in the wrong place. Who knows.. And why should we believe what ourselves tell us to believe? Maybe we are laying to ourselves. Maybe we should stop thinking, stop thinking at all. And try to create silence in our heads. Like we are nothing but silence.

After 5 years

After 5 years of having to adapt to having arthritis, I realized that I can’t adapt.

The flare ups take their time and suck life and energy out of me each time.

My autoimmune condition has been affecting my health, fitness level, social life, focus and concentration quality and periods.

I’m really losing interest in things that used to interest me, I no longer enjoy traveling, nor reading or writing.

I also tried to progress at work and in my career, which I realized I can’t do. Being sick and in paid often is just erasing my will power and capacity to go on.

I used to like socializing, but now I look at socializing as pain in the ass, and even sometimes I think I’m terrorized by socializing.

I have slowly given up on my dreams one by one. And I think if I’m given another 10 years to live, I’m going to be this lifeless person who desires and wants nothing.

I can’t see that my health problem is getting better with medications. And I’m coming to conclude also that alternative ways of approaching autoimmune is a total waste of time, money, energy and hope.

Yes I still can’t accept the fact that my life has taken a nasty turn and that I will have to deal with my joints for the rest of my life.

I also have noticed that antidepressants don’t really fix depressions, and that they play a very minor role in fixing mental health. I even stopped seeing my doctor because what’s the point?

What’s the point also from seeing rheumatologists who like to put their patients on crazy medications that vary between immune suppressants and chemo therapy, disregarding side effects.

Wondering at this very moment how much longer do I have to live tormented and locked up in physical pain and discomfort.


لا تبح لهم بسرنا
ولا تشاركهم أحزاننا
لا تخرج عليهم ودموعك في عينيك
ولا تحدثهم وصوتك راجف كما ترتجف يديك

لا تخبرهم كيف تعذبنا
ولا تشاطرهم ويلاتنا وآهاتنا
لا تبتئس من حظك البائس
فهو طريقنا
لا تخبرهم
هذه حياتنا

لا ترهم جروحنا
ولا تجعلهم يتحسسوا دفء ذرفات دمائنا
التي جفت
وسال الخوف بدلا منها

لا تجعلهم يشفقوا
لاتدعهم يضحكوا
ولا تجبرهم أن يولوا هاربين
وكأننا نحن النحس
وكأنك أنت الشؤم
وكأنني أنا المرض
ومعا، كأننا نحن الموت
الأسود، المخنوق، القراس، الهاجس

لا تقل لهم كم هرولت بنا ساعات أجسادنا
إلى الهرم، إلى الأرق،
إلى آلاف الأميال من الزحف
نحو الأمل

لا تقل لهم عن قلبي عندما خفق
ولا تشعرهم به عندما صمت
ولا تسمعهم إياه عندما طغى عليه الصدى
ولا تلفتهم إليك وأنت تهذي في الظلام من الأسى

نحن لسنا لهم
نحن لسنا منهم
ولسنا مثلهم
سنمضي كأننا معهم
ونهرب منهم
تاركين لهم أجسادا،
خاوية من حياة كحياتهم
ترتدي لباسهم
وتشرب مائهم
لكنها تدرك مدارك لا حيلة بها لهم

امشي معي
يدك في يدي
في ذلك الإتجاه
أينما تبدأ السماء
اصعد معي
على درج المجد والعلياء
على درج الخلود
اخطو معي
في الأعالي
أينما تشع النجوم
إلى الأبد
وتسموا أرواحنا على غير مضد
أينما تبدأ الحياة
أينما لن نجد متسعا قط للألم



Once upon a time there was a little girl, with dark big eyes and long eyelashes, she never feared monsters under her bed, and threatened them until they never showed up again, she had a wooden sword and so much power, and in her heart she had endless courageous faith.

Until she saw a door that was semi open and had no light, she was too curious to see what’s behind. And her courage made her step inside. The monster that was there swallowed her soul even before she noticed ,and till now she can’t get back to life …

To Stars & Glory

Did you laugh at me?
Was it funny?

Did you laugh at me behind my back,
Then,when I had to stumble and fall,
Then, When I fucked up overall?

Yes you did, I know you did…

Did you run around, telling people,
Even though it’s my sacred privacy?

Did you all laugh at me?
Was it funny?

Yes you did, I know you did…

Did you laugh at me when I showed you my wounds, my scars and my hot bleeding soul?
Did you tell people how I cried?
Did you tell them how broken I was?
Did you whisper in their ears that I’m losing my faith, I’m losing control?

Did you not push me down fiercely and helped me drawn,
Then, when I was doing everything I could to get back to life?
Did you not wish that I die?
Did you not feel that ticklish pleasure in your chest, when you saw me dying?
Did you not feel outrageous when you saw me trying?
Did you not lock me up in a dark hole?
Did you not get rid of the keys?
Did you not close the God damn door?

Yes you did, I know you did…

But you are an unaware, ignorant, selfish creature…
Can you even see further than the end of your own nose?

Did you know that I always get up after I fall?
Did you know that I lick my wounds till they heal, and my scars no longer hurt at all?
Did you know that things like you don’t bring me down, even when I have to crawl?
Did you know how much it hurts when you put them first, while they don’t put you at all?

No, you did not, you won’t, you never will, because you can’t,
And I won’t show you the path to stars and glory never at all…